Friday, September 24, 2010

I've come to realize

I've come to realize I have a HUGE problem with jealousy.  UGH.  Lots of repenting that needs to happen.  Jealousy of friendships that I wish I had (that I don't).  Jealousy of freedoms that are just not in my life right now.  Jealousy of the ability to spend some money ~ that we clearly do not have.  It's all pretty selfish and truthfully some of the things I'm wishing I had probably have a TON do with the selfishness.  It could be everything to do with it. 

I often wonder if there are expectations about me that aren't true ~ but I need to stop putting what I think someone may be thinking on someone else and just think what I think.  Not what I think someone else things.  I mean really do I have that much time to think about what someone else thinks?  Thinking that answer should be no.

It also comes down to accepting that I am who God made me.  I may never be that persons best buddy.  Yeah, it'd be great, but in reality I need to be me...what God has for me.  And not try to be what I think (again thinking) someone else wants me to be ~ unless that someone else is God. 
He has a perfect plan for my that did include a lot of stuff I'd rather not have dealt with over my 30+ years.  It is what makes me well me.  It gives me a different perspective.  A sometimes odd opinion.  Just because it's my opinion doesn't make it the only way.  It is definitely based on experience, perspective, and where I am in my relationship with Jesus.  The last part being the most important ~ that relationship with Jesus. 


TracyMichele said...

What an honest post. Thanks for being raw. :) I'll be praying for you in this specific area.

mykids4hisglory said...

I struggle with this as well...constantly praying about being grateful for what I have!!!
Even regarding relationships...I struggle with that too...