I've come to realize I have a HUGE problem with jealousy. UGH. Lots of repenting that needs to happen. Jealousy of friendships that I wish I had (that I don't). Jealousy of freedoms that are just not in my life right now. Jealousy of the ability to spend some money ~ that we clearly do not have. It's all pretty selfish and truthfully some of the things I'm wishing I had probably have a TON do with the selfishness. It could be everything to do with it.
I often wonder if there are expectations about me that aren't true ~ but I need to stop putting what I think someone may be thinking on someone else and just think what I think. Not what I think someone else things. I mean really do I have that much time to think about what someone else thinks? Thinking that answer should be no.
It also comes down to accepting that I am who God made me. I may never be that persons best buddy. Yeah, it'd be great, but in reality I need to be me...what God has for me. And not try to be what I think (again thinking) someone else wants me to be ~ unless that someone else is God.
He has a perfect plan for my life...one that did include a lot of stuff I'd rather not have dealt with over my 30+ years. It is what makes me well me. It gives me a different perspective. A sometimes odd opinion. Just because it's my opinion doesn't make it the only way. It is definitely based on experience, perspective, and where I am in my relationship with Jesus. The last part being the most important ~ that relationship with Jesus.