I think I've written this post in my mind about 824 different times in the last six years. I know I haven't been blogging that long, but really I've thought these things, experienced a day like today more than once. (Maybe not exactly 824 times ~ probably more)
I've had jobs I've loved. I've had jobs I've completely hated more than anything else. This parenting gig though has a love hate relationship. It's days like today being in the trenches that brings me on the verge of tears on the outside. On the inside I'm probably a train wreck. I love my children. I would do ANYTHING for them. I love when they listen, obey, tell the truth, have great attitudes, keep their pj's AND diapers on, are smiling, walk in the store ~ you get the idea.
The truth is though I've got 3 little people who don't do that all the time ~ and most likely they are ignoring me, being defiant, lying, having a bad attitude and n*ked all at the same time. (Yes there are only 3 of them). Now granted they aren't misbehaving all the time, but sometimes I'm convinced there is a conspiracy against me. *Aha...mama is near her breaking point!*
This week has been one of those particularly hard weeks. Reinforcing some rules and behaviors. Which means of course that the testing will be harder than it has been. Does she really mean business?
Yes. Yes I do.
And yes it's hard.
No other job has caused me to send out an e-mail to 8 'older' mom's and pick their brains. No other job has brought me to my knees. Nothing else in my life has ever prompted me to need some time alone ~ even if it is at the grocery store. When it comes right down to it though nothing else has ever mattered this much. It's not about a sales goal, or meeting a deadline. It's about shaping a life. Molding a heart. Encouraging curiousity (but not too much).
So if you see my kids pictures and think "oh her kids are so adorable...she's got it all together" WRONG. I don't have it all together. I have a child having his temper in the grocery store and me looking at the cashier with eyes that say "ring me up fast". I have a child refusing to go to the van and climbing under the slide so I must go fetch said child. I have someone who thinks lying is quite funny. I am the mother of a child who repeatedly undresses herself. They don't always listen, they don't always obey. I'm done smiling and answering the question of "how's it going" with a "great" No my answer will be "I'm the trenches raising children of God. I need all the help I can get"
Yep this my friends is the hardest job I've ever had. I may not love every minute of it, but it's mine to do.